| 《浮生六记》译文——阅读与讨论(三) 微阅读-翻译界
3. 其形削肩长项,瘦不露骨,眉弯目秀,章慕良顾盼神飞唯两齿微露利为汇 ,似非佳相。一种缠绵之态,令人之意也消。
The simplicity of her robe seemed to accentuate her fragile beauty and the slenderness of her graceful figure, with its sloping shoulders and long, delicate neck. Her eyes looked very dark beneath the curving wings of her brows. Her glance sparkled with intelligence and humour, and I could find no flaw in her loveliness except that her two front teeth sloped forward ever so slightly under short upper lip; an unimportant defect黄小立 , but one that was regarded as a sign of bad luck. Above all else, a clinging softness in her manner, an indefinable air of tenderness and vulnerability about her, touched my heart deeply冢原卜传, making me wish to stay forever by her side. (p. 5)
【评注】
“The simplicity of her robe seemed to accentuate...”句衔接前文,过渡到描写芸的“graceful figure”,虽补充较多,句子较长,但结构严密,自然灵动,一个颇具美感的英语句子。
“顾盼神飞”译文与霍译《红楼梦》中译文相似,都用了"glance; glances" 和"sparkle"。
“缠绵之态”,词典说,意为“婉转动人”,可以说“歌声柔和缠绵”;用来描写人的行为举止或仪态,“缠绵”是什么样子,怎么翻译,Black根据她的理解和想象译作:“a clinging softness in her manner, an indefinable air of tenderness and vulnerability about her”。关于“to cling”,词典有一解释,指“情感上的依恋”。从作者对她的情感看,译文“a clinging softness in her manner”是可以的法里埃德 。但“vulnerability”,不知译者指什么,若指“脆弱”,或感情上易受伤害,从原文的字面看不出这层意思钟如九 ,似可存疑,再作讨论护花危情粤语。另,翻译“两齿微露”增加了“under short upper lip”,这一补充属多余。
关于“令人之意也消”,淮茗注释本(中州古籍出版社,2010)有今译:“让人萌生爱恋之意,难以割舍”。“难以割舍”指放不下、忘不掉,译文“making me wish to stay forever by her side”有“离不开”之意,虽与原文有出入,也表达了“难以割舍”的一种表现形式。
往期回顾:
微阅读 | 《浮生六记》译文——阅读与讨论(二)
微阅读 | 《浮生六记》译文——阅读与讨论(一)
策划:《翻译界》编辑部
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